I am a high-achieving individual. A recovering perfectionist, who didn't know she was a perfectionist until recently.

I’ve had a lot of starts and stops with my writing journey, so I decided to try what a goal-oriented person might find helpful: I decided to enter writing contest to give myself a deadline and produce a final work that I could be proud that I accomplished.

I had a concept that I felt REALLY excited about, but it was something I had no experience with. It was in the modeling world in New York City. I've visited NYC but never for a long period of time. I don’t have the lived experience to write about it as if I lived there. I've also never been a model.

As I started drafting, I got hit with DEEP imposter syndrome when trying to build out details in the story that felt realistic. I knew I needed to do more research.

I knew generative AI could help me with my research. The contest expressly said no AI writing, but the rules were fine with you using it to help you brainstorm and research. You just couldn’t use it to actually write your story.

I turned to a large language model to research the modeling world and work on some of the NYC details. It was great. It created a whole document I could reference to help with details.

But I got impatient as I tried to add in details that worked for MY scene. I pasted in my draft and asked it what I was missing. It drafted a revised version of my story with so many sensory details and witty lines that I started to think it was better than MY writing. I tried to edit it in my own voice and then thought, “But that sounds better. I’ll just leave it.”

When it became time to submit the first entry for round 1 one of the contest, I submitted my story with a mix of my written content and AI generated content. I justified it because I’d given the creative direction.

Then when I got to the form to submit my entry, I had the choice between three checkboxes about the use of AI. It was something like:

Did you use AI in the process of drafting this story?

• No, I did not use AI at all.
• Yes, I used AI to help me brainstorm and research, but not write.
• Yes, I used AI to draft content in my story.

I assumed I would be disqualified if I selected that I used AI to help me draft, so I selected the middle option. Which was a lie. I tried justifying it to myself. The rules are unfair. How can they tell? It’s fine because I approved every word.

But then I felt icky about it. I had lied. This was not 100% my story or my writing anymore.

The contest was about creative expression: the good, the bad, and the ugly. The rules I'd called "unfair" were there to help us grow as writers. I was robbing myself of that process by having AI draft it for me. The deadline was not more important than my integrity. I resolved to delete the AI generated content and rewrite it.

And what I rewrote was much better. And my own voice. I’m proud of it, even if it’s not “perfect.”

When you start using a large language model to help you draft, it's easy to forget what YOUR voice sounds like. Your own writing style.

You get that instant relief of "I've drafted something" but then it doesn't have that satisfaction of something YOU created.

I shifted back to having the LLM help me think through ideas and sensory details, but then I did the actual writing.

Even doing it this way, I lose some of the immersion I would have had to do in the past to truly research the modeling industry to be able to write about it.

Yet, I wanted to meet the deadline so it's a tradeoff I chose. I decided that my priority was to write it myself, not have the full researching experience.

Using generative AI moved from helpful to harmful depending on the way that I approached it. I found myself equipped to pivot quickly in this situation because I’d developed a personal framework (the Zones of Technology) for my approach to working with technology.

Have you found yourself in similar situations, Reader? Hit reply and let me know! I'd love to hear about your experiences.

Navigating this evolving world with you,

Rachel